We shall call him....Brad.
I met Brad off a fairly popular dating site in November of last year. That might be big mistake #1 - dating sites. I think I should now avoid them at all costs. But anyway, he saw my profile, noticed that we had the same taste in music, so he cyber sang to me a song from a band that we both loved. I was excited since this particular band isn't as well know as, IMHO, they should be. We exchanged several messages, eventually exchanged numbers and began texting. He was cute, funny, and seemed very sweet and stable. Little did I know.....
We made plans to meet maybe 2-3 days after we began texting. I was leery of meeting with someone so soon, but he talked me into it. I really liked him, I got excited when I saw his texts, so that really wasn't hard for him to do. He picked me up that night, we went to a club, had a couple of drinks, then decided that it was too loud to talk, so we left. Being that it was late, we ended up at Ihop. I'm a simple woman, I don't need the extravagance of an expensive restaurant, I don't need candle light or anything special as long as I'm with the right company....and I was....again, so I thought. We spent a couple of hours sitting in Ihop, chatting before going back to my place. When he left, I felt very confident that I would see him again soon.
I did see him again soon, but it was me who was making the plans, me doing to initial texting (mistake #2). After seeing him a couple more times, he finally broke it to me that his ex came banging on his door the night prior. I asked if they were getting back together and he said that he didn't know. I was upset, but backed off as I'm not going to compete with an ex, or anyone else for that matter. Well, not too long after that, he told me that she was back to her old manipulative ways and that they were done. He apologized and wanted to start seeing me again. I happily agreed (mistake #3).
After a little more time, I told him I was falling in love with him (mistake #4). He told me that he didn't feel that same way. We stopped seeing each other again. Shortly after that, maybe a week or two later, he called me in his car after dropping a date back off at her house. He said, after only seeing each other 3 times, they were already fighting. He "missed the way we got along. We had fun together, we didn't fight. Our dates were always so relaxed." Being the sappy, hopeless romantic that I was at the time, I accepted his next date proposal. I began to notice that the few times we did see each other, we never went out. Our dates were always at home. Hmmmm....
His flakiness went on for weeks. One day he would say I love you, then the next he was distant. It began to dawn on me that it was only when he was drunk that he "loved me". When he was sober, and often had to ask me what we talked about on the phone the evening prior, he was distant, making me feel like he had to be drunk to want to even be with me. We were off an on for weeks, him saying he wanted to see other people, then coming back and telling me he was sorry and how he'd made a mistake.
I finally came to my senses when he asked me "to be his girl". I planned a nice dinner for us, a dinner that would keep me in the kitchen for hours. My house was spotless. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Three o'clock that afternoon rolled around and I hadn't heard from him, so I sent a text asking what time he would be over. The bomb he dropped was that he'd had too much to drink the night before and was too hung over to get out of bed. I was crushed. He put alcohol before me. It made me open my hopeless romantic eyes and see, really, where on his priority list "his girl" was. I told him that I was done and that I hoped his Jim Beam kept him warm at night.
Fast forward 5 months when he found me on a different dating site. He contacted me and we got to talking. He told me how awesome I was, how he would think about me all the time, even when he was with his girlfriend, whom he had just broken up with. He repeated how he liked the way "we gelled. We just got along." He told me that I should have been The One, but he was stupid and messed up his chance with me. Turns out I was the stupid one and let him back into my life (mistake #.....Oh, hell, I've lost count). I went to his place the next night and as it turns out, he was drunk when we spoke on the phone the night before. I had to remind him of the things he told me.
It seemed to go well at first. We talked everyday, saw each other more often than once a month. We would talk while he was on his breaks at work, so I knew he wasn't saying the sweet things he was while in a drunken stupor. It seemed that maybe he was beginning to feel for me what I'd felt for him in the beginning. My walls slowly started to come down and I thought that MAYBE, this time, it would work out.
His birthday was last week and I kept thinking about what I could do for him and what I could get him. I asked if he had any big plans. He told me nope, that he was just going bar hopping. I'm all for a guy having a guy's night out, or for women to have their girl's night out. I'm an ass and assumed he was going out with his friends. Oh, how wrong I was. That evening, he posted a photo of him and another woman on his Facebook. When I saw it, it felt like someone punched me right in the gut. I tried not to over react and asked him if it was a date or just a friend. He was honest this time and told me she was his date. My stomach just sank and it sank even lower when he told me that he really liked her. I told him how that made me feel, he didn't seem to care and I ended it....in a nutshell.
Now, am I wrong in my belief that you spend special occasions with those who are special to you? He never had the money to take me out, yet he's all over Dallas
Lesson learned....Do not give 2nd chances. He has not changed. You are the rebound girl. You always have been and always will be. Put him behind you and move on. If he's reluctant to take you out or introduce you to his friends, get out quick, before you get attached. He's not interested in you in the least. If a man REALLY wants to be with you, if he's proud that you're his girl, you will meet his friends and he will take you out.
The hopeless romantic in me is dead. It makes me sad, but I no longer believe that there is that one special guy out there for me. It's all a game, espcially on the internet, but every once and while two people can't help but fall in love....WITH EACH OTHER.
